


Heartache of a Beautiful Man

by Dark_Will_Graham



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Eventual Smut, FTM, Freewood - Freeform, M/M, Trans Gavin, Transgender
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-28
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2018-04-17 14:06:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4669427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dark_Will_Graham/pseuds/Dark_Will_Graham
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the past, Gavin's lovers never got to know that he was assigned female at birth. Mostly because of their own ignorant views that would scare him off.<br/>Being alone for so long, and feeling like he will never get to be loved for who he is, he starts to fall lonely, until sparks of feelings begin to bloom for his co-worker, Ryan.<br/>He decides to give love another shot and peruses Ryan despite his past affairs. </p><p>Hopefully, Ryan will be the one to prove Gavin can be loved for who he is and show him to also love himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heartache of a Beautiful Man

Gavin wouldn’t consider himself to be a timid or closed-off man. In the past, he’d been in plenty of relationships, just none that ever got truly serious. Nothing passed a few dates and quick kisses.

He always cut the lovers out of his life as soon as he’d start to feel himself getting attached. Too many times had he heard their ignorant opinions that insulted his identity. There were instances when he would try his hardest to educate his partners on the issues, only to feel that they’d never understand and that he would never feel truly loved without keeping his secret.

At birth, Gavin had been assigned female. It took awhile for his family to accept him as Gavin, as their son and as their brother. His parents made a deal with him that they would use his pronouns, new desired name and allow him to dress in male oriented clothing so long as he kept his hair at a long length until he was at least fourteen. They had their doubts about his gender identity and had assumed it would just be a phase, and thought that having to keep his hair at such a length would somehow “shake him” out of his feelings.

Fourteen happened to be the age that Gavin’s older friend, Geoff, took him to get his first short haircut. That moment stuck with the boy forever and sparked the incredible bond he shares with the man, and as years went on Geoff became a fatherly figure towards Gavin.

 

*******

 

The brit absolutely loved his job being an achievement hunter. He got to work with Geoff, his boi Michael, all of his other great friends and lovely Ryan. For the past few months, Gavin could feel the beginning of a crush forming towards the office’s “Mad King,” and it didn’t help any when the gent would tease and flirt back.

Sometimes the words that spewed from his own mouth would fluster him, like proposing that their team name should be _Love And Stuff_ when Ryan had mentioned that their comradery was nameless. Gavin was appreciative that no one ever took what he said too seriously, it made it easier on him to let out some of his flushed emotions without having to commit to some far seen rejection.

Something about Ryan always stirred something in Gavin, encasing him in what felt like an avalanche of emotions. Ryan was just so funny, intelligent, witty and kind, he always murmured a bashful, “I’m sorry, Gavin,” when he would tease the brit or bully him by trapping him in a stone structure in minecraft, instantly freeing him.

The other man was also clearly attractive, with bright blue eyes, a devious grin, and those silly eyebrows that would always show so much emotion with just a twitch. Gavin couldn’t help but sneak glances over his shoulder at Ryan when a joke was said, just to watch his reaction, to see him bounce in his seat as he laughed so whole heartedly. It always made the brit’s chest feel warm.

But being around the other man also brought Gavin pain. Some particular nights, when he would lay in bed, he’d think too hard about Ryan, about negative situations that could unfold if the man ever found out that he is transgender. Gavin loves their friendship and the thought of his secret ruining what they have would spark so much grief, it would cause him to heave into his toilet. One hand would be grasping porcelain with white knuckles, while the other would shakily rise to wipe at his mouth with the back of his hand.

Gavin hadn’t _asked_ to be born the way he was. He never wished to have to live a life _praying_ for acceptance. He never wanted to be born having to _beg_ to be seen for who he is.

Tears streamed down his cheeks, just to softly land in the bowl bellow filled with his heartache, his eyes forced closed as he recalled all the cruel words of passed lovers,

_“If god wanted them to be born a man, he would have made them so.”_

_“Trans ‘he-shes’ are only after attention. They’re freaks.”_

_“How do they even have sex? Monsters.”_

_“Why can’t they just be happy with the way they’re born?”_

Reaching up, he grasped the handle and flushed. Trudging back into his bedroom, he slowly curled himself up on top of his covers and tried to get the hurtful words of those who he had thought he could trust out of his head.

The same words that always held him back from ever getting too close to others. He never seemed to get the chance to confide in them about his issues before they would spew out such wretched opinions. The only people who knew about him being transgender was his family, Geoff and Griffon.

Wiping his nose as he let out a quiet sniffle, he slipped a hand under his shirt and began to rub at his chest, tracing his scars with his fingertips. Even though he had been born with very small breasts, he still felt incredible when he recollected the day he got them removed. Sometimes he could find solace in tracing the scars. It had been years ago since he had the surgery, but the scars were still noticeable if he was to remove his shirt, even though his chest hair did do a great job at hiding parts of the scars.

The rhythmic strokes of his own fingertips eventually lolled him to sleep, to dreams that took him away from his own painful thoughts.

 

*******

 

It wasn’t noticeable to others the way that Gavin and Ryan would always seem to subtly touch each other. Like the way Ryan would rest his hands on Gavin’s shoulders before a versus in a mocking way of intimidation or the way Gavin would run over to Ryan’s desk to give the other man a high-five in congratulations of their team work in a GTA heist.

For Gavin, any time he had the opportunity to even slightly brush up against Ryan sent sparks to his skin, but anytime contact was presented to him by the other would send his heart into an absolute fluttering frenzy. Eventually it became almost an addiction to the young man, craving even the faintest of brushes, so much so that he began to rough play with Ryan, even if the other man was always very wary of hurting Gavin.

 

*******

 

 

Geoff and Jack were in the middle of recording an episode of AHWU when Ryan had accidentally entered the room, halting in the doorway to stare wide-eyed at the cellphones that were now pointing at him.

Just before he had the chance to retreat back through the door, Gavin was already up from his desk and yanking Ryan into the room by his arm.

“No you don’t, RyeBread! You’re gonna be in AHWU this time, boi!” Gavin yelled, his voice laced in laughter as he continued to yank the larger man further into the room.

In the background Jack’s deep laugh was mixed with Geoff’s contagious own. They made no motion to force Ryan to read anything, but also didn’t stop Gavin from teasing their fellow gent, instead they slowly returned to reading with big grins on their faces. But in the background, the tussle continued.

Ryan with a smile on his face still protested against Gavin’s valiant efforts of pulling and tugging at him. Though he could overpower the younger man, he was still very rascally and quick to gain a tight hold again once broken.

“I don’t…have…to be here…Gavin!” Ryan groaned in between struggles, finally breaking free for a moment and turning towards the door only to be grabbed around the waist firmly.

“Ryan, you’re a right mug. You don’t have to be here, but I’m gonna make you!” he laughed out as Ryan squirmed fiercely in his grasp, “You’re a spiffy…lil’ pock…spoff!”

“What are you even yelling at me? What are you even saying! And why are you trying to make me stay here?” Ryan shouted flusteredly.

“Cause you’re always bein… so…” while speaking, Gavin lifted one of his feet and placed his shoe in one of Ryan’s back pockets, and began to lift himself up with it, “…mischievous!”

Ryan stumbled back slightly at the sudden weight around his waist, but steadied himself again, “What the hell are you doing?! You’re the one tangling yourself around me! Gavin!”

During his protests, everyone around just laughed as AHWU continued in the background, sometimes the cameras would flick back towards Gavin and Ryan for a brief moment when they made a spectacular amount of noise.

Gavin let out a loud squawk when Ryan stumbled for a second, but continued to literally climb up the man, gripping his broad shoulders now, feet digging into the other man’s rear as he brought himself up higher until finally he was resting on his knees on Ryan’s shoulders with his arms flailing and wrapping under the man’s chin.  

“Gavin, get off!” he placed a hand on Gavin’s knee and began to force it off.

The brit let out a quiet gulp as he began to descend, afraid that he might have overstepped the other man’s comfort level. Hoping if he got off now, Ryan wouldn’t be too angry with him.

He must have sensed Gavin’s nerves because just before the lad’s feet touched the ground, Ryan had his hands behind him and placed against the younger man’s butt, fingers laced together in a makeshift seat, and pulling Gavin back up onto his back so he was sitting with his legs resting against his waist.

“Fine, if you’re gonna be a leach, then I guess I’ll just have to take you with me!” he let out an amused laugh when Gavin squawked above him and wrapped his arms around Ryan's shoulder, then made a mad dash out of the door.

He began to run faster when he heard Michael and Ray yell from the back room, “Team Lads Action News Go! We’re on a high speed chase! We gotta go, go, go! The Mad King has captured our camera man, Gavin Free!”

A mischievous “Mad King” laugh ruptured out of Ryan as he continued to run away. Michael screaming, “You sick bastard!” after him.  

Gavin couldn’t help but laugh in between his bird-like screeches as Ryan ran in and out of rooms, zipping down many hallways trying to lose the two lads.

Before the brit knew it he was pushing his chest flush against Ryan’s back where he could feel the other man's sweat begin to form, but payed no mind. In fact, he rather enjoyed the musk that was Ryan.

Being so close to the bigger man in this way, being able to smell his scent and the constant brushing between his legs against Ryan’s lower back slowly had Gavin’s face flushing. His crotch started to feel warm and caused him to tighten his thighs around him and press closer.

“I’ll lose them out here!” Ryan shouted over his shoulder as he burst through the back doors that led them outside into the hot Texas weather. He hadn’t seemed to notice the new tight hold around his waist, if anything just took it as Gavin trying to hold on. Ryan did, however, slow to a stop when the younger man rested his cheek against the back of his neck, “…Gavin? You okay?” throwing back a worried glance.

Gavin jerked his face away from Ryan and then began to squirm out of Ryan’s grip, breaking the seat the older man had made using his hands, and then slipped his feet flat on the pavement below. A hot flush still stained his cheeks, embarrassed and a bit ashamed that he had let himself grind against the oblivious other.

“I’m fine. It’s just too bloody hot out. ‘M goin back inside…” the brit quickly turned without looking back and headed towards the building. The heat that stayed between his legs caused his ears to turn red.

Ryan was quick to catch up beside him and looked down at him with a sly smile, "Since I carried you out, I wouldn't mind letting you ride me again." he then raised an eyebrow at his own sexual-undertone. 

Gavin shot a glance up at him and let out a squawky laugh, pushing Ryan by his shoulder, "You're such a perverted mad man, Ryan! Gah, you're a right loon!"

The older man chuckled in response as they headed back toward their office. 


End file.
